Sex Techniques For The Over Fifties!

Sex Advice

Having Better Sex After 50: Techniques For Men and Women


5 Make sex special: if it suits you, book time in your diary when you know that you have the opportunity for an uninterrupted session of lovemaking. Make it a special, extended experience of "togetherness" where you can enjoy either sensual massage, lovemaking or mutual caresses. This way, the pressure is off and the experience can evolve naturally at its own pace into whatever suits you at the time.

6 Become more active. Most women in our society, even now, tend to adopt a more passive approach during lovemaking: more passive than the man, that is. But it's a myth that a man has to lead during lovemaking while his partner follows wherever he goes. For one thing, it's disempowering for the woman not to have the opportunity to take control in sex.

More importantly, a woman can sometimes show a man the way to go when he doesn't know what to do next. So, for example, you could use your mouth, your breasts, your hair, or other parts of your body to gently stimulate and arouse him, not just by sexual touch, but by sensual touch all over his body. Women have been seducing men with the power of their bodies, with the power of touch, even with the power of femininity itself, for millennia. That collective knowledge is within you, and you can draw upon it and use it to take charge of the sexual experience with your partner whenever you wish.

7 The best approach to sex after 50 is consistency. And what that means is that the acrobatic sexual exploits of your youth (if there were any) may not be appropriate at this time of life. You might prefer to choose a sex position which is easy on both of you and to stick to it throughout a session of lovemaking. Particularly good sex positions for more mature men and women are the woman on top position (provided you can get over any embarrassment you feel about him seeing your body), the side-by-side positions, and perhaps rear-entry. Check them out here.

Positions you might find less helpful include anything that puts a strain on your muscles or those of your partner, among which unfortunately we would have to include the good ol' man on top position, although this has other advantages for men because it reinforces very strongly a man's sense of masculine power.

8 Make love in a warm comfortable environment where neither of you feels cold, exposed, or uncomfortable.

9 Devote time to massage and touch, to literally improve your physical connection as well as your sense of intimacy and emotional closeness.

10 Whatever you do, don't panic if his penis fails to get erect. As you know by now, erections are involuntary, and panicking when they don't appear, or criticizing him as though he were responsible for their non-appearance, is both ignorant and unhelpful in furthering your close emotional connection. It also increases the likelihood of erection problems happening next time.

11 Remember that any natural drop in sexual drive cannot be countered by increasing stimulation through the use of porn, sexy lingerie, or acting out those deepest fantasies which have intrigued you for years. (Having said that, of course it can be fun to indulge in new sexual practices if they provide excitement and you both agree about what you're doing.)  

Sex positions for the over fifties, sixties and seventies

You don't need to despair: adapting your sexual positions as you age is a natural process, and the information given below can be useful at any age. The fact is, you'll find out naturally enough what positions suit you at different ages by trying them out. If you find that some positions are now beginning to seem a bit tiring, then you can adapt them. It's not as if you have to use these positions just because you're middle- or post middle-aged!

In any event, boredom is the greatest enemy of sex and it helps to have a repertoire of foreplay techniques and sexual positions so you can ring the changes. Six to nine sexual positions can bring wide variety into your sexual experience and will make all the difference between boredom and excitement - here are a few sexual positions which are effective and won't tire you out.

By the way, paunches, both male and female, have an awkward tendency to get in the way and to prevent really close physical intimacy in many sexual positions. And, if you have a bed with a solid footboard, it can be helpful for both partners, because, if the most active partner lies far enough down the bed so that his/her soles press firmly and quite flat against the footboard, the movements he/she is required to make during sex need not be so vigorous. By pressing your soles against the footboard, a leverage is obtained which allows your pelvic movements to be greatly reduced and yet be just as effective. If you try it out you will see what I mean.

If either of you is a bit on the fat side, you will get the closest penis-vagina contact with the woman above, kneeling. The man lies on his back and the woman kneels astride him, just above his penis. When she has put your penis into her, she sits down on your upper legs.

If you, the man, press the soles of your feet firmly against the footboard, when you need only thrust with your pelvis slightly, so that your buttocks do not leave the bed; in fact they need not move at all. This means they will not be tensed, which is the cause of the tiring due to more vigorous in-and-out thrusting movements.

If you tried woman on top sex when you were younger, the woman probably rode up-and-down on your penis. This can also be quite tiring. It is scarcely tiring at all, however, if the woman, taking hold of one of the man's hands with both of hers, instead of raising herself up and down, rocks backwards and forwards. At the same time, the man maintains contact with her vaginal entrance and vulva by a slight upwards movement of his pelvis, as I have suggested. With his free hand, he can stimulate either her nipples or clitoris.

Having the soles of your feet pressed firmly against the footboard also helps to reduce the need for more vigorous movements in the traditional man on top sex position. Instead of making in-and-out thrusting movements, you will find that you can make rhythmic rotary movements with your pelvis, so that your pubic bone never breaks contact with your partner's clitoral area.

Only when she has already reached orgasm and you wish to bring yourself off, need you begin thrusting movements; it's surprising how much less tiring these are when made with the soles of the feet pressed against the footboard.

As a variation on the man on top sex position try having both the man's legs inside the woman's, or placing just one leg outside one of hers.

if you are the man, your inside foot should press against the footboard. In this position the penis lies in the vagina obliquely, and its movements at this angle provide sensations for the woman which she does not experience when the penis goes straight into the vagina. You can either make rotary movements with your pelvis, as I have just described, or you can  make long, slow thrusting movements. The point is, that with your foot making a purchase on the footboard, you don't have to tense your buttock-muscles, nor make such use of your pelvic muscles, both of which are tiring.

A variation of the "woman kneeling above the man" is to have the woman on top facing away from the man. If she leans forward a little, and places the palms of her hands on her knees, she can go forward and back on your penis. In this position, the penis is bent forward against its natural angle, and the top of the shaft is pressed hard against the upper vaginal wall - the area of the G spot - which can provide extremely pleasant sensations for the woman.

You should make the following movement: with your feet pressed firmly against the footboard, in rhythm with your partner's movements, you make a movement as though sliding back and forth on the bed. Do this by starting off with your knees very, very slightly bent, and then push with your feet before relaxing; then push again and relax once more. You need move only two or three inches along the bed at most, but this is sufficient to bolster the woman's movements, and so both come out of the encounter much less tired.

If you are both quite slim, you can enjoy intercourse lying facing one another on your sides. You will have to sort out the positions of your legs, so that you get the best penis-vagina contact. Again, at least one foot of each partner can press against the footboard to make it less tiring.

Another side by side sexual position excellent for the over-fifties is that in which the woman presents her back to her partner. But here again the couple have to be fairly slim for the penis to get in far enough to give the woman worthwhile sensations. The man should press his lower leg against the footboard and put the other over the top leg of the woman.

For variety, there is a woman on top sex position which is not at all tiring and uses only part of the bed. You, the man, lie with your back on the bed, buttocks protruding over the edge of the bed supported by a stool or a chest, like a blanket chest.

The woman gets astride you, and lowers herself on to your penis, either facing you or with her back to you. When she has guided your penis into her vagina, she sits down on your upper thighs. If she is facing you she rocks backwards and forwards as I described above, or if she has her back to you, she supports her hands on the chest or stool and raises her buttocks up and down.

Her feet should be firmly on the ground both for frontal and rear entry as this prevents her from getting tired. You do not move at all, but should concentrate on using both hands to stimulate her breasts, clitoris, or vaginal entrance in the front position; in the rear entry position you should place a hand on each buttock and assist her gently as she goes up and down. This gives her very pleasurable sensations.

If you use any of the positions which are performed on a chair, see that the chair is low enough so that both you and your partner can place your feet firmly on the ground.

Personally I do not recommend rear entry on the chair. However, if you do decide to use it, check that the woman's feet are firmly supported by the floor. In my opinion, the best rear entry sexual position for having sex after fifty is the standing one, in which the woman leans forward supporting herself on a table or ledge with her hands, and the man stands behind her.

Maybe she will have to stand on a low stool or a box, which should be absolutely firm and wide enough for her to stand with her legs slightly apart, to obtain the most comfortable adjustment for differences in height.

If you use the rear-entry position in which the woman kneels on the bed or floor and leans forward with her head supported on her arms, the man has to kneel behind her, and this can be quite fatiguing if the man has to adjust his height - as happens in nearly every case - in order to get good penetration.

Well, there you are! Now it's up to you. These are only a few suggestions. You should experiment, and be bold in your experiments. And I wish you the best of luck. After all, by this time of life you should really have lost most of your inhibitions and be willing to experiment as much as you can and as freely as you can, not just with sexual techniques, but with all kinds of sex positions as well.

By the way, I am often asked what is the best position in which to perform soixante-neuf or sixty-nine - a position in which the partners enjoy mutual mouth-genital kisses at the same time.

The most satisfactory position for many people seems to be this: the man lies on his back, with his feet towards the head of the bed and his head a little more than half-way down. The woman places herself above him, with her genital area over his face and her face towards his feet.

He places his hands on her buttocks and gently brings her genital area down until he can reach it with tongue and mouth. She will find his genital area within easy reach of her mouth and tongue.

If she stays in the position into which he guides her, he can remove his hands from her buttocks and slip them between their bodies to her breasts, both of whose nipples he can stimulate together. She must be careful not to lie too heavily on him, otherwise it'll be uncomfortable.

Practical suggestions to improve your sex life in the years beyond 50

1 In the early years of your sex life you may have been willing to seize the moment when passion gripped you, enjoying sex at any hour of the day or night. Now you're in your 50s it's an even better idea to take the opportunity to enjoy sex whenever you feel a surge of passion. Don't let the chance slip by!

Also, find the time when you feel sexiest, and enjoy sex at that time as often as you can. So, for example, a man may feel most passionate in the morning while his partner feels most passionate in the afternoon. If it suits you both, you could make love in the morning or afternoon alternately, rather than in bed at night. A simple change to your routine like this will allow you to take advantage of the time when you naturally feel sexy.

2 Try finding new sex positions which allow you to make the most of your libido. Not all sex positions are equally exciting: some will be much more arousing for you than others, and if you experiment you can find out which give you a head start on getting the best sex. Of course, making love isn't just about sex positions - it's about emotional and spiritual connection as well, so you might like to pay particular attention to sexual positions like side-by-side, positions which allow you to rest during sex, enjoy every aspect of each other's bodies, and still maintain a loving sexual connection.

3 Explore new sexual techniques which focus on the loving energy of sex rather than just the physical aspects. I'm thinking particularly of Tantric sex, because Tantric massage can be intensely arousing, involving a slow, sensual buildup to a peak of sexual and erotic energy. (In my opinion it would be a good idea for all couples over the age of 50 to enroll on a Tantra course, because this is one of the fastest ways to kick start your libido and get better orgasms.)

4 Take off the time pressure: don't attempt to have sex if time is short, because the lack of opportunity for sensual stimulation may produce performance pressure which affects your man's ability to sustain an erection. That doesn't mean to say you shouldn't respond to the urges of passion if you want a quickie!

5 Make sex special: if it suits you, book time in your diary when you know that you have the opportunity for an uninterrupted session of lovemaking. Make it a special, extended experience of "togetherness" where you can enjoy either sensual massage, lovemaking or mutual caresses. This way, the pressure is off and the experience can evolve naturally at its own pace into whatever suits you at the time.

6 Become more active. Most women in our society, even now, tend to adopt a more passive approach during lovemaking: more passive than the man, that is. But it's a myth that a man has to lead during lovemaking while his partner follows wherever he goes. For one thing, it's disempowering for the woman not to have the opportunity to take control in sex.

More importantly, a woman can sometimes show a man the way to go when he doesn't know what to do next. So, for example, you could use your mouth, your breasts, your hair, or other parts of your body to gently stimulate and arouse him, not just by sexual touch, but by sensual touch all over his body.

Women have been seducing men with the power of their bodies, with the power of touch, even with the power of femininity itself, for millennia. That collective knowledge is within you, and you can draw upon it and use it to take charge of the sexual experience with your partner whenever you wish.

7 The best approach to sex after 50 is consistency. And what that means is that the acrobatic sexual exploits of your youth (if there were any) may not be appropriate at this time of life. You might prefer to choose a sex position which is easy on both of you and to stick to it throughout a session of lovemaking.

 Particularly good sex positions for more mature men and women are the woman on top position (provided you can get over any embarrassment you feel about him seeing your body), the side-by-side positions, and perhaps rear-entry.

Positions you might find less helpful include anything that puts a strain on your muscles or those of your partner, among which unfortunately we would have to include the good ol' man on top position, although this has other advantages for men because it reinforces very strongly a man's sense of masculine power.

Be healthy and deal with physical illness or problems.

The unhappy truth is that there is a lot that can go wrong with the body after fifty, and all these problems can impede your enjoyment of sex - if you let them! I would suggest that there are simple home remedies and natural treatments for many illnesses which can aid you in recovering from these difficulties. For hiatal hernia problems, check this out, ensuring that you get appropriate medical attention from a physician or specialist if necessary (hiatal hernia and acid reflux can - if left untreated over a long period of time - lead to cancer).

8 Make love in a warm comfortable environment where neither of you feels cold, exposed, or uncomfortable.

9 Devote time to massage and touch, to literally improve your physical connection as well as your sense of intimacy and emotional closeness.

10 Whatever you do, don't panic if his penis fails to get erect. As you know by now, erections are involuntary, and panicking when they don't appear, or criticizing him as though he were responsible for their non-appearance, is both ignorant and unhelpful in furthering your close emotional connection. It also increases the likelihood of erection problems happening next time.

11 Remember that any natural drop in sexual drive cannot be countered by increasing stimulation through the use of porn, sexy lingerie, or acting out those deepest fantasies which have intrigued you for years. (Having said that, of course it can be fun to indulge in new sexual practices if they provide excitement and you both agree about what you're doing.)  

Guidelines about the kinds of things that men find satisfying and pleasurable when a woman is stimulating the penis.

First of all, women seem to be afraid of hurting the man and use of touch which is much too light... perhaps here, they're thinking of the sort of touch they like for their own clitoris. However, for a man, a much firmer touch is required when you stimulate his penis.

Furthermore, you need to do this in a confident way; a tentative touch can be very unarousing, possibly even irritating. Although a light touch can be preferable to a firmer one just before and after ejaculation, in the early stages of stimulation firm and confident are the watchwords (unless he tells you different).

A good way of achieving the right kind of pressure and stimulation is to use both hands, well oiled, sliding them up the penis and circling them over and around the head of his erection. Other possibilities are to stimulate his penis with one hand while you gently cradle and massages his testicles, or to rub the skin of the scrotum between your fingertips.

Most men love to have the testicles gently rolled within the scrotum, while licking them can send a man to heaven, especially if you are stimulating his penis at the same time. The important thing - no, the essential thing - is to communicate with each other.

This may be one aspect of his sexual behavior which definitely needs to change: many men are not familiar with how to communicate about intimate matters with their partners. But communication produces a deeper understanding of each other's sexual needs, and this will in turn produce a sense of closeness and intimacy.

While you stimulate his penis with one hand, you can use your free hand  to explore other parts of his body, whether that is his testicles, his nipples, chest, scrotum, belly, thighs, or his perineum and anus. One of the keys to making your touch arousing for him is to do it in a way that is both graceful and smooth. That comes from confidence, mainly. You definitely don't want to touch him in a way that feels frantic or is constantly changing.

But the only way of knowing exactly what is right for your man is to have him tell you when he would like something different. This is no different from you telling him how firmly or quickly to stimulate your clitoris.

Such feedback should always be communicated in a positive way: for example, "I love it when you do that, but it might feel even better if you just slow down the movement." It's almost essential when you're massaging your man's penis to use a good quality lubricant.

Many of the oils used in massage or aromatherapy can provide him with a beautiful experience, but even simple, straightforward almond or olive oil is a beautiful lubricant... always use plenty, and if you're adding the aromatic essential oils used in aromatherapy, make sure that you only add them in the quantities used for aromatherapy, which is often one single drop in a considerable amount of "carrier" oil.

If he's never had an oily massage to his penis - a lingam massage - he may well be astounded by how good it feels as you slide your oily hands over his penis, up and down his shaft, over his glans, around his testicles, and perhaps even over his anus and perineum. remember also that using slow oily massage strokes on the penis is a great way of teaching him how to slow down his sexual responses and last longer in bed.

Above all, what he wants from you is controlled and consistent stimulation. Remember that it's the glans, the head, of the penis which is the most sensitive part. This probably means that you need to use a different touch for the head & shaft of the penis when you stimulate them. Too much pressure, and movements that are too fast, may be uncomfortable. But once again, why not simply ask your man what feels best to him, or even have him show you what feels good, using oil as a lubricant when he masturbates?

One of things that you need to remember if you're going on from manual stimulation of his penis to sexual intercourse is the possibility of the lube getting into your vagina. Would you want oil inside your vagina? If not, you can use a water-based lube like Probe or Astroglide, which contain slippery compounds that are neutral on body tissues. Or you could just wipe his penis clean of oil before he enters you.

One of the things you need to remember when you make love to a man of 50+ is that besides having a less reliable erection in the first place, he may also lose his erection from time to time during lovemaking or foreplay. This is normal for men of all ages, but can happen more often with an older man. A little encouragement should restore his hardness. Whatever you do, don't comment adversely on the loss of his erection - be confident and bold!

Another change: the angle of erection gets lower as a man gets older. For a man who is accustomed to having spent decades with his penis firmly sticking up towards the heavens throughout lovemaking, and perhaps also for you, the sight of his penis "dangling rather than angling" during sex can be alarming if not discouraging!

However, a decrease in the angle of erection is entirely normal as a man ages. You can experiment with stroking his penis in different positions to see if that makes his erection harder, but bear in mind that as long as his penis is hard enough for penetration and enjoyable intercourse, it is just as hard as it needs to be.

Oral sex and the man over 50

Even in these supposedly enlightened and uninhibited times, there are a surprising number of women who do not like the idea of giving a man oral sex. Unfortunately, oral pleasure is probably on a par with vaginal sex in most men's eyes. I've even heard some men say it feels better than penetrative sex.

So if you're a woman who's reluctant to give her partner oral sex, you may be contributing to friction and disharmony - even if his resentment remains unexpressed. (A good example of why partners need to establish open and honest communication, no matter how challenging this may seem.)

It's extremely unlikely that your man will be sexually content if he never receives oral pleasure from you. There's something particularly special about oral sex: it honors a man's very being, besides paying homage to the most outward and obvious sign of his masculinity. And, like it or not, he will want to ejaculate in your mouth even if he says he does not mind being finished off by hand.

This is because a woman's willingness to accept a man's ejaculate in her mouth is a very potent symbol of her acceptance of every aspect of his masculinity. Should you have no desire to receive his semen in your mouth, then I suggest you take him as close to ejaculation with your mouth as you can, then move your mouth away at the last moment, and finish him off with a very well lubricated hand. This is the next best thing to full oral sex.

If, however, you're still reluctant to pleasure him orally, it's definitely worth trying to overcome your hesitation, because oral sex is a vital part of the sexual repertoire for a man over 50. That's because for a man whose erection is not as reliable as it once was, oral sex can be a very satisfying and fulfilling way of obtaining sexual pleasure.

Even if he does not have an erection, a man can obtain immense pleasure from being stimulated orally. Finally, more often than not, slow and relaxed oral sex is a wonderful way of helping a man who has difficulty in this department get a hard erection.

Once again, a degree of confidence and knowledge on your part are required to get the best from oral sex, as from any sexual technique.

Remember to keep your teeth covered by your lips and use your tongue to stimulate all areas of the penile head, especially the frenulum. If you want to maintain control of the depth to which his penis enters your mouth, put your closed fist right around the base of his penis. You'll feel much more confident that he isn't going to get over-excited and start thrusting too deeply into your throat.

Two of the best positions for oral sex are: (1) him standing with you kneeling on the floor in front of him; and (2) him lying on his back on the bed with you kneeling over him with your buttocks and groin close to his mouth.

You may need to prop his head up with a pillow or two so that he can get his face close to your delicious vulva - the sight and scent of which is likely to add to his excitement as you caress his penis with your mouth. Also, if you have long hair, let that flow freely and gently over his groin, penis and testicles to add to the delightful stimulation.

Oral sex on a man is one of the most exciting things a woman can do for him: to be in possession of such a glorious technique is a wonderful way of ensuring that his penis remains responsive to both your desire and his.

Are you getting enough sleep?

This isn't some kind of joke about how long you're staying awake versus how long you're having sex! It's a serious point about the need for sleep. Nothing interrupts the good functioning of the 50+ penis more than stress - and nothing stops stress building up more effectively than adequate sleep.

We all know that these days there are many demands on us which can prevent us getting enough high-quality sleep. The simple fact is, however, that if a man over 50 doesn't get enough sleep, then his sexual desire will be low and his performance impaired. If either of you is feeling tired in the morning, you need to find a way to sleep better and more restfully.

So here's a simple summary of sexual techniques for the man over 50 - or, rather, a summary of health tips and sexual techniques to which a man of 50 years or more needs to pay attention.

First and foremost, a man over 50 should be paying attention to his physical health including his cholesterol levels, his exercise levels, and ensuring that he is both physically fit and eating a diet is likely to sustain good health.

Second, he should be checking his hormone levels to establish whether or not some kind of hormone replacement therapy might be helpful to his well-being. You can find out more about the symptoms of testosterone deficiency here.

Third, you and he should be communicating about all aspects of your sexual experiences, including the changes that are taking place in your bodies, and what this might mean for your sexual wishes, needs, and desires.

Fourth, you should be discovering or rediscovering the most effective foreplay and stimulation techniques, the stimulation that arouses him as much as possible, and makes his penis as hard as it can be. This may include finding new ways to explore sensual and sexual experiences together, including oral stimulation if this has not previously been a part of your sexual repertoire.

Fifth, the 50s are a time when all of us should be slowing down, living a gentler, more considered life that reflects our lessening energy and capacity to cope with stress.

Unfortunately, our modern world rarely provides us with the opportunity to grow old (or older) gracefully. Indeed, the demands of family, money, work, and so on, let alone changes in our sexuality, can all combine to produce a life which is actually more stressful than it was in our earlier decades.

Nonetheless, we all have a certain amount of choice about how we live our lives, and making the decision to reduce stress, get more sleep, and enjoy sex at a level which is appropriate for our current libido and needs, are all powerful choices which contribute to a more relaxed and fulfilling, not to mention satisfying, sex life.

Sixth, both of you need to be looking at expanding your sexual knowledge and perhaps your sexual repertoire (your range sexual techniques and positions, that is) so that it fits with your expectations. In particular, understanding the changes that are happening in your bodies is essential to understanding why the certainties with which you've lived for years, or even decades, may not sustain you through the years beyond 50.

Instead, you need to adapt, so you understand how and why things are changing. As a woman, if your self-esteem and sense of desirability depends upon your man finding you so attractive that he wants to have sex with you three times a week, where will you be left when suddenly he does not want sex more than once a fortnight, or he loses his erection during sexual intercourse?

The thing you have to understand is that none of this reflects on you. By now, that is hopefully clear. Instead, your task is to support him through the changes and help him find a way in which you can both obtain sexual fulfillment within the context of a satisfying and happy relationship.

Continued here....

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